Boundaries = War

If you're dealing with an undiagnosed Borderline, it really is a futile situation.

I understand there are some books out there that attempt to help you communicate with your BPDSO, but in reality, it can really seem hopeless, especially in the long term if they are NOT getting treatment.

An example for me is when I started to set boundaries. I'd be receiving poor treatment from my ex, and I would put my foot down. Immediately it became a (ME VS HER) war.

Immediate rage. Inappropriate anger. Black and White thinking. She was the victim. I was the aggressor. All because I said, "Treating me this way hurts my feelings. What can we do to work on together to make it stop?"

For doing this I was labeled the following:

1. Hypersensitive
2. Excessively Needy
3. Having no friends
4. Having high anxiety
5. Being a cruel tyrant
6. Any other personal attack trying to tear my self esteem that i can't think of at the moment.

Dealing with this over time, can have a serious damaging effect on the thinking of the Non. You begin to believe the outrageous accusations of the BPD. Over time, it breaks down your psychological defenses. You begin to question yourself. Believe them. If you're in this terrible place in your life, do the best thing for yourself and get out of the situation as quickly as possible. If you don't it can have serious long term consequences to your mental health and state of well being.

Now beyond being accused of many things that weren't true, it was done at a level of screaming and abuse that was incredibly inappropriate. My ex is an emotional, abusive bully. She uses the good nature of people that care her against them. It allows her to mistreat people who she knows aren't going to set their boundaries. That's why boundaries are so important when dealing with a borderline. You have to protect yourself above all things, even it means losing the relationship. That is where the self examination comes into play and you NEED to desperately question why you would stay in a situation where someone treats you like a piece of garbage for so long. Over time, my ex's "real" emotional investment into the situation became less and less as I was devalued more and more. as she pulled away more, I became more invested into the situation trying to fix it. Classic push/pull splitting. A cycle that will repeat itself with more frequency as the relationship progresses.

I need to put myself before anyone else. Look out for numero uno.