Splitting and Cheating - The BPD Way

Taken from the BPDFamily Boards


BPD meets a non, they idolize us and we fall in love

At some point the behavior become outrageous and we all know there is something wrong with them

At that point BPDs split us black and move on to other people ultimately finding someone who
generally makes believe they dont know for ulterior gain (in this case money. Could be for a variety of reasons only know to the BPDs damaged psyche)

In other words the disease is transparent even though BPDs expend tremendous energy trying to hide it

Ultimately everyone else knows anyhow.

But because they see themselves as defective their primary defense is denial -hence splitting, hence cheating

For them there really is no way out.

I think this analysis is spot on. I definitely dealt with it. I remember when the splitting occurred. I had been tremendously emotionally drained. My father was sick again, diagnosed terminal, and I had been dealing with that private family tragedy for a few months by this time.

We were talking on the phone about her work drama as usual. Vapid, shallow, worthless drama involving completely dysfunctional people. In other words, not worth her time or my time. Usually, I would placate her and talk her through things. I just wasn't in the mood. I made it clear I didn't want to talk about her work drama. It just didn't feel appropriate.

Her response was rage. Screaming. Yelling at me to "Get over it". BPD need is so great, they completely disregard the feelings and needs of other people. There is a complete lack of empathy. Looking back, I noticed my ex never showed empathy. She would pretend, but it wasn't real empathy. It reminded me of bad actor trying to do Shakespeare. Transparently fake. Not believable. Reminds me when I took acting classes in college for fun. You'd see people trying to act, but it was embarrassing to watch. My ex trying to be empathetic and show compassion reminded me of this.

When my dad died and I txted her that he was dead, her response was "He's in a better place now." We never really had an in depth discussion about it either. She avoided it. She didn't go to the funeral. She didn't offer to go. She honestly didn't care. Their inner pain and turmoil is too great for them to have the ability to empathize with another person's pain. It's why she so easily lied to my face, all smiles, but in reality was txting me sweet kisses in another man's bed. 2 months after my father passed away. When you think about it, only someone truly mentally ill could be capable of such behavior. It's so sad that nothing can really be done to help, but we have our own lives to live. I know I need to change my life so I can never allow someone with BPD in again. I have to have firm boundaries, stop trying to people please, stop trying to rescue. Be selfish with my time and my life. There is nothing wrong with that. It's my life and I only get one shot at it.

As someone said on BPDFamily

That says it all - to the BPD emotions and thoughts are real. And even emotions and thoughts they project onto you are real. We all struggle so long to reason with them, but it is no use because they are thinking in a totally different world of reality from the rest of us.

If a BPD "feels" you are going to reject them, or leave them, even if it isn't true, then you are on very shaky ground. You probably won't even be aware of it. If you trigger their abandonment fear, you will be kicked off the pedestal and discarded like a piece of trash. It's a VERY harsh reality to learn about the disease.