5 Reasons Why My BPD Cheated (Yes Her Real Reasons)

So after my ex finally admitted she cheated, after months of gaslighting, projective identification, raging, lying, typical BPD behaviors, her justification for "everything" was the following. Keep in mind, she believes she's totally fine and that there is nothing wrong with her. Her definition of love is "Whatever you want it to be". How romantic.

1. I needed to grieve over the death of my father. I needed time alone. (Yes because we all know that when you go through a traumatic, personal event like a family death, the thing you need most is for your loved ones to abandon you)

2. I was demanding all her time and she had other stress in her life. ( Actually, by this time, I was lucky to see her once every few days. When I did see her, her degenerate friend would always show up and they'd get plastered. She would pretend I was barely there. Yes, I was really demanding of all her time, even though through this period I was showing tremendous restraint and patience.)

3. We suddenly were not together. ( After 2 years of being together, suddenly she needed to minimize me and the relationship to justify her behavior. Keep in mind this is someone who thinks they know what mature adult love is.)

4. It was drugs. (See above)

5. I was crying too much. (Again. Gaslighting. Yes I cried the day my father died. Who wouldn't? This is supposed to be the woman that loves me. She's supposed to be my emotional rock. One of the main avenues of support. You get the picture.)

There are a host of other reasons she's given. I'm firmly convinced that BPDs shut out the terrible things they do to their loved ones. They can't face it, so they minimize the event. They minimize the circumstances. They minimize the person to justify it. They will never take responsiblity for their actions. Not ever. Just like a 5 year old will never take responsibility for their actions. Emotional immaturity. BPDs are fundamentally stuck in the emotional state of a child. It's a terrible, terrible illness.

I have pity for Mai and I will always love her, but the type of love has changed. It feels like I'm a parent now. It isn't my responsibility to be her parent, and I definitely do not wish to be. The purpose of me even spilling my feelings online is to disengage. I don't even know if anyone is reading this. I need to do it, but I digress....

I realize it's ok for me to love her, but understand she is very, very sick. That there is nothing I can do to help her. She will have to get help on her own, if ever. It's so very sad, but that is life.