The Projective Identification Trap

I became "needy" and hypersensitive" when I needed her to be a normal functioning friend/loved one on an adult level. I was "bad" for expecting the woman who claimed to love me to try and be there for me. Even a little bit. I would lose my temper because when I actually DID see her, she'd treat me with a severe lack of respect. Would act childish. I remember one instance where she was in the BR with her degenerate friend for an hour while I sat there and waited. When we were leaving I went back in the house to get someone that was lagging behind. The idiot was on the phone and wouldn't leave. I waited 10 minutes trying to get to move it. When I got back to the car I was hit with a barrage of accusations. I was just tired, exhausted, sick of it. I was going through some serious grief at this time. I just said "sheesh...fu man..."

This was after getting screamed at and demeaned for 5 minutes without her taking a breath, after having made me wait for an hour while she sat in the bathroom mind you. Needless to say she exploded. I just got out of the car and walked away. I was sick of it. While trying to walk away she stopped by me and grabbed my arm, dug her claws so deep with this crazy look on her face it made me bleed. I walked to my car which was about 5 miles. She went off and partied. No apology. No nothing.

There were so many instances of this crazyness. It wore me down. I just wanted normalcy. Dependability. I became more and more frustrated. If I would lose my temper, I was all of the sudden the one causing a problem. I was a jerk. This became justification for her abuse, lying, cheating, and ultimately saying "I Tole u" (picture child like pouty voice) when I caught her lying and cheating. Suddenly we weren't in a relationship because she "Tole me". Can you imagine how sick this really is? It's just SICK.

I was caught in the trap of projective identification. A no win situation. We really are slaves to their delusions and whims. This is why a relationship with a BPD will never work. You are a slave to their whims. You can't love unconditionally. You have to constantly be on guard. This can barely be manageable if you use certain techniques, but IMO, this is only for people in marriages or where kids are involved. If you are not married, have no kids with a BPD. Run. Don't walk. Run. If you're engaged. Give the ring back.